Hello my mates! Let’s dive in.
Note 2 self
This week I would like to start with a shout out to my “Notes” app, which listens to all of my random ideas and overheard quotes with absorbed attention day after day. It hears me when I say “Google circus vet” (results were not as intriguing as I’d hoped) or “Dating Andy was like wearing stretchy denim pants” (an insightful (?) analogy to an ex-relationship which I came up with in a dream). It also collects all of my unfinished, thematic lists, a habit I started early in quarantine, in the throes of deep nostalgia. I would plan to meticulously record every qualifying little thing in a certain category, but inevitably the list would slide down into the history of my app, abandoned.
Topics have included:
Summer Concession Stand Treats (caramel apple pops, sweet tart pops, nachos)
Things I’ll Remember About Quarantine (the clicking dragging shuffling of eternal slippers on the kitchen floor)
Foods That Are So Good, We Kept Discussing While Eating (spaghetti carbonara, dry chili fish at Sichuan Chili, the first time Jake made Okonomiyaki)
Holden Equated to These Objects (barnacle, meteor, sphinx, jumping bean)
Forbidden Treats from Childhood (Squeezits, Dunkaroos, licorice ropes at the checkout line)
I’m remembering the then for now, and the now for later. What does your thematic nostalgia list look like?
Compost your anxiety
Lately my Instagram DMs have been regularly visited by neatly organized infographics about zero waste living. A friend of mine has been making her own adjustments, and passing along tips and ideas.
Her efforts have me returning to the confessional of my conscience and asking forgiveness for having drifted from promises I’ve made several times before. Promises to bring my own containers to restaurants for leftovers; to stop using paper towels and start using washable rags; to buy in bulk and avoid excess packaging. It’s hard to make and maintain changes like these. Wastefulness and planned obsolescence are built into our culture. We come to rely on its convenience, as we do with tech giants like Amazon.
The infographics and related web posts had me feeling determined and motivated, but there was much do to. My list of work and tasks for the week was already vast, which can paralyze me with anxiety, so I knew I needed to accomplish something to get the ball rolling.
I decided to start with composting. After 10 minutes of googling, I found a local place that provides a fresh bucket each week and easy drop for $12 a month. I crossed “find composting” off my to-do list with a satisfying flick of the pen, and went to tell Jake about the update to our now-greener lives.
“But why would we pay them to take our composting?” he said. “Aren’t they the ones getting something out of it? We’ll find another way.”
It’s a valid point, but at the time I was so relieved to have “done something productive” that I didn’t like to hear it. I couldn’t believe he was taking this away from me. Didn’t he appreciate the the attempt to cut down on our waste?
The matter turned into a gentle quarrel. He couldn’t grasp why I was so annoyed with him for not wanting to do the paid service, and I didn’t want to backtrack on the tiny dent I’d made in a stressful to-do list. Looking up tips for composting at home, buying our own bucket, and figuring out where to store it seemed like so much more work.
I knew I was being sensitive, and I apologized to Jake for being contrary first thing in the morning. But it took me some time to get why I was so distressed by his differing opinion.
I think mental health is different day to day, and on this particular day this tiny upset was a lot for me. I was trying to plan things out to neat, clean completion, and it wasn’t working. If I hadn’t been pressuring myself to plan everything that day — I mean everything, from composting to my five-year financial plan — I probably would have felt different.
Sometimes letting go of your plans is everything. Being able to let life have a little say without resisting it.
I reflected on the significance of this technique a while ago, when I was thinking about “jamming.”
I have to put quotations around “jamming” because I hate the word, which calls to mind dudes sipping brews and screwing around on their unpracticed instruments just to hear themselves play. Obviously that’s not all there is to it. And of course I don’t like jamming, because in jamming no one is in control. In my mind, if there’s no plan, then what’s the point?
But there was one time when I just let go of any intentions, and leaned into the chaos. I played whatever came to mind on my guitar while Jake responded with his. I ended up writing a riff that I love, which became part of a Strobobean song called “Ghost.” This song, so dear to me now, wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t let go of what I was trying to do and just jaaaammmeed man.
A song for you
I’m looking forward to convincing myself to spend $300 on retro skates and recreating this video.
A quote for you
“Dancing! Everything else is bullshit!” - from Thank God It’s Friday
Thank you for being here. <3
Katya