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In the ocean of life, the current can be a friend. On good days or bad, relax and go with the flow.
I want to be a doer, like a dolphin with ambition. I’d like to take the lead through open water. To be in charge of where I’m going and to get there with intention.
The lovely truth is that cruising in the current can be a decision just as legitimate as any other. Letting the day toss you around a little, following its lead, doing all that you can to feel comfortable along the way. Don’t overlook the fact that this, too, is a strategy.
On a recent difficult day, my plans were altered by the weight of several sources of worry. There was no fighting it, so I chose to surrender. The day was rushing over me like high tide on a sand castle, and I needed to let go of control. So I ended up in bed eating carrots and watching RuPaul’s Drag Race. This instead of the work I had planned to do, because I didn’t have it in me to lead. Instead of swimming against the current, I chose to anchor down and live in it.
Sitting still gave me enough pause to realize I was hungry. A greedy meal would anchor me more. As I drove to the Indian restaurant, it felt the day was in charge, not me. It nudged me up the hill and into the parking lot. It brought a book for me to look at instead of my phone.
There were three things inside the Indian restaurant that would help me feel better: the food, the strangers, and the place. Nobody wants to be told to “just take a walk” when they’re depressed, but getting up and going somewhere else does have its power. Sitting on the maroon, nylon bench waiting on my food was a bold but humble step towards facing the day.
My book was open in my lap, but my ears were tuned into four people standing around a nearby table. It was an odd time for a meal, so they were the only ones in the restaurant. They spoke over one another while negotiating a catering order for a party. Would there be enough food in a tray that size? They had their doubts.
Strangers save me with their narratives. I imagine their ego as the center of the world in order to forget myself. How are they faring in this great ocean? Perhaps it is the best day of their life. They’re speeding along on their jet ski while I’m bobbing in place on my half-flat inner tube. Probably always the ocean is full of jet skis and inner tubes and everything in between.
Back home I ate two large plates of chicken tikka masala and Kashmiri naan with another episode of Drag Race. Then I was ready to make my first move outside of the current. Not quite an ambitious dolphin, but a swimmer nonetheless.